Cracker: “Shake Some Action”
As soon as you play this song:
10% of you will spend the rest of the day involuntarily humming “Euro-Trash Girl” to yourselves
20% of you will be horrified by the mid-nineties memories triggered by hearing Cracker, horrible Doc Marten-wearing memories that involve loitering outside the Orange Julius, pretending to smoke menthols and killing time until the late showing of The Last Boyscout starts at the Crossroads Mall Cinema.
5% of you will argue that the Flamin’ Groovies version of the song is superior
5% of you will argue that Cracker’s version beats the apostrophe out of the Flamin’ Groovies original
2% of you will mistakenly think that The Flamin’ Groovy was the name of an alcoholic beverage on The Simpsons
18% of you wish that David Lowery would’ve ended his musical career as a member of Camper Van Beethoven
6% of you can’t wait to get home to play Key Lime Pie
4% of you can’t wait to get home to eat Key Lime Pie
2% of you can’t believe that I haven’t written something about Telephone Free Landslide Victory, since it’s obviously the superior CVB album
8% of you wonder if I’m making these band and album names up as I go
5% of you have realized that I suck at math
15% of you remember this song from the Clueless soundtrack when, like, Cher was totally trying to, you know, get her teachers to change her grades but they were all “As if!”
And 100% of you will wonder if I’ve ever had sex. With another person.
And if you leave right now, you might be able to get to Milwaukee in time to see them (for FREE) at the Wisconsin State Fair tonight. And you can enjoy some chocolate-covered bacon. No, I’m not kidding.
